LOOKS LIKE...Jeremy Scott has rendered me unable to draft a witty title in the short amount of space I have that would properly encompass all of the oddities of his most recent collection

     Where shall I begin with this one? Wonderful idea-I'll turn Jeremy Scott's Fall 2011 fashion show into a fun little...story time session that will answer all of the questions that may have popped into your noggin as you proceeded to view this collection. Honestly, how could I possibly be expected to have chosen just a few looks from such a collection? Well...I didn't...enjoy!
     Let's set the scene for this "story" in the middle of New York City. If any city would own up to the events I will proceed to describe, it would be exactly this one. Here we go...
     One ordinary day in the city, a very furious four year old decided to dye her hair pink in response to her mother refusing to provide her with regular clothing and proceeded to parade around in a discarded Coke bottle wrapping while carrying the Elmo costume from Halloween with her for added warmth. This little girl, let's name her Peggy (no apparent reasoning), found a buddy on the side of the street and asked to borrow her rain coat that was soon discovered to have been previously owned by a full time clown from the local circus. Apparently, this rain coat was not exactly floating her boat and little Peggy decided she would need to steal her father's hand made bomber jacket. By this time, the rain had washed out her pink hair color and turned it into a shade of puke green. From the corner of her eye, Peggy sees her mother and, in an attempt to escape, trips into a puddle and is left with soaking wet clothing. Lucky for her, the newest members of the local alien tribe had just arrived and were around the corner. Peggy was able to borrow a pair of antennas an a space cadet dress to continue on with her day. While making her way to the local candy shop, Peggy spotted a cute space man wearing the hot pink boots she had been vying for since January. "Well, I guess they are rather unisex," said little Peggy in response to seeing the space man she admired from afar wearing her pink boots. Not to fret, why would Peggy want those ratty old boots when she could sling some pink fur pumps onto her tootsies? She tapped on the shoulder of another immigrant alien and asked to borrow them alongside her snazzy new raincoat that was clearly not too exposing for the streets of NYC (jokes). Just as Peggy did not think her day could get much better, Ernie from Sesame Street was parading through the streets of NYC and bumped into her with his orange complexion gleaming from his recent spray tan. How could anything better happen? Perhaps Pippi Longstocking encased fully in one of her striped socks could pump this day up even more. She soon discovered that Miss Longstocking had married Ernie and would live happily ever orange...I mean after (seriously, look at her eye shadow!). Oh joy, the best has yet to come! Leaving from a local Scottish bar was a rather flamboyant individual strutting down the streets wearing a quite unusual version of a kilt. I'm sure he was perfectly thrilled to be sporting a furry black sweater atop this hot pink skirt (what man wouldn't be?). After little Peggy brought all her new friends to enjoy a bit of ice cream on this fine day, she stopped short. Who was this woman? She had the perfect outfit to match her fuzzy new shoes! What luck! So, Peggy and the lady wearing a pink, fuzzy, foreign animal of sorts around her shoulders trotted down the road. Disaster has struck! All of the creatures Peggy made friends with turned out to be evil! No worries-Superwoman is here to save the day...
     No number of warnings can sufficiently deal out the amount of "no's" I would give to anyone even considering one of these looks. Though Jeremy Scott may be some sort of whimsical genius, no individual in his or her right mind would prance casually down any street in any of the above looks. Superwoman will NOT be there to save the day, so in summation, don't forget your raincoat when you run away from mommy and don't take any pink, furry slippers from strangers-they will all eat you in the end. And, goodnight to the children who have read this...sweet nightmares from Jeremy Scott's Fall 2011 collection :).