A Fish Favorite

     Proenza Schouler, a pairing of men so fashionably inclined and delectably suffused with the gift of craft have, surprise, delivered another fashion show that had me spilling onto the considerably dirtied floor right under me. In fact, it was so incredible that the Asian warriors who inspired this "protective wear" may as well begin violently attacking each other to decide who gets to wear each piece. Who said cross gender dressing was unacceptable, anyways?
     From the gilded quilting to the basket weave skirts and coats, I found myself sitting in my chair dissatisfied. No, not with the clothing, but instead with the fact that I am unfortunately bound to a college student budget and am quite unable to bring these items home with me. Regardless, I will continue to elaborate on the drool-worthy aspects of this line. The angularity of the first jacket combined with its newly synthesized fabrics mimics the lines and essence of Asian warrior-wear. The high collar and less-than body conscious element to the jacket in combination with the rough-edged bangs worn by the model links this look to modernity while retaining a fresh strength to the look. Though I would never accept a bribe of any amount to take up basket weaving as an extra curricular, I highly condone the act of doing so in the case of the skirts and jackets woven for this Fall 2012 line. The brightly contrasting colors combined in each woven piece add a striking geometry to these empowered looks.
     On the contrary to these streamlined looks are the skirts and dresses cut asymmetrically with a fabric that I would usually choose to adorn my couch or throw pillow with that remain surprisingly harmonious when utilized in this way. For many seasons in the past, oversized, not-so body conscious jackets and dresses with rounded shoulders and straight hems have proven prevalent, but Lazardo and Jack have shown that it really does not have to be "matronly or the highway." The sharply cut, strong shoulders and angular dresses experimenting with elaborate brocades have safely made their way onto the runway of a currently "Library Chic" crowd.
     Only the Proenza Schouler team can give us a genuine lesson in Asian defense without driving home the point that, yes, the high fashion Dominatrix look was actually "in" in the recent past. For safe travels and successful foreign defense dressing, stray away from appearing as though you secretly long to fill the shoes of somebody's mistress. That look is neither high fashion nor classy amongst the general populous. Instead, try pairing leather woven skirts with jackets cut in an angular fashion. Add shine to a boxy cut jacket with a sleek choker necklace and knee high patent leather boots. The trick to wearing these slightly masculine pieces is pairing them with feminine accessories and ensuring that at least one part of your body is visible. Wear a fitted skirt with a large jacket, a slim shirt with a boxy skirt, and delicate heels with a geometric dress. Now, allow me to prepare to begin combatting with foreign warriors as I set out to see what exactly went through the minds of the boys behind Proenza Schouler (just kidding...shouldn't I be?).

The Buttoned Up Housewife: Loosen your girdle, for now. Please?

    Throughout the past few fashion seasons, the image of an externally tame yet internally deranged housewife has been portrayed in the form of buttoned blouses, frilly matchy-matchy skirt suits, and a hairdo resemblant of a beehive. I do love the put together-ness and the idea of a picture perfect housewife glamorously roaming the streets of suburban America, but I feel as though her time is up. It is right about time to break out of the granny hose, loosen collars, and begin to more generously expose a previously hidden organ called "skin." Single print, high cut dresses, though chic and simple, tend to put a "granny-damper" on matters as hems sink and skin shrivels.
    Just as fast as I am to criticize how overdone this trend has become, I will, just as quickly, pounce on the opportunity to give additional advice on how to mix up this look. Rather than suiting up from head to toe, mix a brightly colored, high cut blouse with leather shorts and nude wedges, pair singly printed dresses with spiked heels and chunky chokers, and calm the hair/nest/tiny animal habitat DOWN. Highly cut tops go with short shorts and long skirts mix well with short shirts and elegantly low necklines. No young woman wants to be approached by an even younger one asking if she needs some assistance with crossing the street. That would just be low, unlike the necklines people tend to wear these days (haha?).

Fun prank to play on people still sporting the giant hair: slowly work small spitball-like pieces of crumpled paper into the hairnest of anyone sporting said style. Even better? Paper umbrellas. Who wouldn't want paradise to reside on the very peak of their mountainous hair?

If I May Re-Introduce You

     While rotting slowly in my bedroom as I tended to a seemingly ceaseless cold, I began to sift through collection after spring collection hoping to stumble upon a collection I had seen in the past resembling slouchy, schleppy, high fashion schlump clothing. I wanted nothing more than to throw on some gross looking sweats and marinate in my own sickness as I dreamt of daintier ways to exist as a "sickie." Though, this is all very misleading.
     As I was about to throw my hands up in frustration, I starting sifting through Fendi's Spring 2012 collection. Albert Einstein had hair like that. Are those models supposed to be nerds? The answer, as I read the accompanying description, was yes. So, as of now, I am officially reintroducing you to Albert Einstein part II: reincarnation onto the catwalk in a slightly more feminine form. This collection, deriving inspiration from Italian Nobel Prize winner Rita Levi-Montalcini, featured an extraordinary range of day ware for nerds. My favorite, the first jacket cut in a shape resemblant of a structured marshmallow, had contrastingly harsh lines towards its center. The piecey, stripey, all over the place nature of the clothing gave off the essence of a deranged professor or academic. A masculinity and boxiness to the collection has been highly common within the last year as a transition from overly feminine to androgynous clothing has been taking place. The empowerment of women as intelligent, independent individuals has taken over everything ranging from science to the fashion stage. Buttoned collared shirts also denote strength over fragility though the sheer sweater combinations stray as far away from that idea as one could imagine.
     A main concern of mine with regard to this collection remains this: how did Fendi manage to successfully show a double-sleeved insane asylum strait jacket next to collared shirts and see through sweaters? I may trip over myself walking down the street if I saw someone attempting to pull that one off. I always advise people to take the risks you are attempting to reconsider, but this may be classified as a different case. Also, please keep the doily coasters on the coffee table and off the front sides of runway models if possible. Animal rights and this go hand in hand if you like to stand up for causes. While taking note of all these oddities, remain on track to go ahead and try out the androgynous nerd attire. Pair cleanly cut, voluminous jackets with masculine pants, a collared shirt, and some neutral sling backs. It is always classy to emulate the style of successful nerds. Now is the time!