Roll...tribe!

     Proenza Schouler: one of my favorite designers, large fan of printed everything, live to dye...cool colored clothing that is. This season, alongside many of their peers, Lazardo Hernandez and Jack McCollough sought inspiration from tribal patterns, except they, as usual, did it better. What other pair of designers would make a pair of printed velvet pants and super-conservatively cut everythings that I would...dye to wear ;) ?
     When wearing tribal patterns, unless one is actually a Native American, I would assume they do not want to appear as though they skin bulls as an extracurricular. Proenza Schouler interpreted this print in a modern and surprisingly chic manner...no calf-skinnin' nomads here.
     The asymmetrically cut everything in this collection has me wanting more more more! What better to modernize the intensity of tribe culture than sharp edges and precise angles? The combination of drool-worthy colors and delicious angles makes for one desirable looking fashion cupcake...and who doesn't love a cupcake (if you don't, keep it to yourself)?? Every color reminds me a little more of Mondo Guerra from Project Runway season 8 and how his final collection was inspired by Mexico and Day of the Dead. The teal threaded skirt especially adds to the wild tribal feel with a tightened and fit edge.
     Want to try out the tribal look? If you especially want to add a modern edge, make sure not to pair colored tribal patterns with hippie jewelry or gladiator sandals. In such a case, one may appear to actually be a Native American. People may approach you and ask if you have wandered out of the reservation and if they could direct you to your horse. Instead, pair a tribal piece with a structured top or bottom to bring this look to the city...or suburb at least. Billowing blouses and dream catcher necklaces will only make you look exponentially more lost and confused. All you need at that point is a feather in your hair and a Captain John to accompany you to a night on the town...I mean reservation casino.
    
     

Velvet-people still wear that?

     The deadly fabric only seen on people over 60 with no style who are lost in a decade that no one can seem to find: velvet. Was velvet ever an all around popular fabric that found a way to flatter everyone? Whose fuzzy fetish invoked the creation of this heavy, old, and dusty-lookin' fabric? Without even having to answer these questions, I found myself stumbling upon a few looks that *gasp* used velvet incredibly well! Velvet pants have found their place in Carlos Miele's Fall/Winter 2011 collection as well as a braided dress that I have even seen on a few celebrities! The rich nude and jewel tones make sure that this "predisposed to look cheap" fabric looks flowy, comfortable, and luxurious. The three-quarter length fur coat sleeves helps balance out the velvet pants instead of weighing them down with a "abominable snowman/no one is escaping off this runway" full length disaster. 

     My only remaining concern is for the person wearing that dress; I suppose one may be able to shed a few pounds while wearing a dress as heavy as that one. Perhaps the girdle-like structure also juices the flab out of you as you are effortfully gliding down the red carpet? As a warning, be sure to wear extra-powerful deodorant; velvet is not the breeziest fabric and unless one merely glistens instead of sweats under multiple layers of thick, chunky fabric, it is best advised to layer on the thick, chunky coats of deodorant as well! 

     To take these looks to the streets (in a classy way, of course), pair a velvet top or bottom that does not fully cover or swallow your figure with a breezy silk blouse or skirt. Keep accessories light and do not wear velvet black pumps to match. Black will only add weight to this already heavy fabric. Looking like you tried too hard would be the understatement of the year in such a case. Try neutral shoes to allow the velvet to speak for the outfit. Chunky and chunky don't make flattering so keep this suave fabric to minimum use in each outfit for the maximum appeal! 

     

LOOKS LIKE...A.F. Vandevorst is ready to tame some wild animals!

     I've always been a large fan of collections inspired by the wild and hunting, although when I have seen such collections in the past, they were frequently inspired by the hunter rather than the huntee; in this case, that would be a fox, rabbit, or raccoon of sorts. I find myself oddly drawn to this Fall 2011 collection by A.F. Vandevorst regardless of the fact that the models literally have fur tails sprouting out of their rears and leather ropes/belts tied around them in a way that makes me feel like this hunt is over. The "belt cages" constructed to encase the furry tails is a detail I find especially peculiar. If I was an animal, I don't quite understand how I would use the restroom with my hind part encased! Fortunately, I am not an animal with such an anatomy and neither are the models; this may make it slightly more acceptable to the designer and may allow a sense of relief to travel through his body as he comes to the realization that yes, his models will be able to use the restroom with ease.
     Now-all tails aside, let's discuss the rest of this beautiful collection (joke?). I never realized the endless amount of ways a basic black coat could be tweaked until seeing this collection. Asymmetry was taken to a triple-max as each variation of a winter coat went down the runway. I especially love the pleating, rouching, and folding that each garment possessed (I go nuts for the architectural stuff). The stunning combination of the navy silk and blue fur in the second look is a rich ensemble that I would do a good amount of manual labor to wear. My favorite piece in the collection? That odd little belt/harness-like deal in the first look. Though I am not too sure as to what it really is, let's be real: how incredible does it look on that girl? And, it is oddly enough wearable by a large audience of individuals (even though I'm not sure how many would actually purchase and wear it!).
     Overall, A.F. Vandy did a wonderful job bringing out the stray animal in me. I would gladly wear any of these pieces, no matter how many nervous hunters I would have to rabbit hop away from. To take this look from fox to foxy, try one piece of fur or one of the new belt solutions. Pair that with a silk top and structured jacket. Make sure to add some texture to get a "thrown together but still effortlessly stylish" look that everyone will envy!

LOOKS LIKE...Anna Sui is attempting to instill the "Hobby Holly" (and more) spirit in the fashion world

     Blink. I pause the runway show I am currently watching to take a step back and make a face with an eyebrow raise or two and a quite puzzled expression in my eyes. I never blink when I watch a runway show...unless it is this one. It all started out quite nicely with an eclectic mixture of black and white patterns and textures with a few wild accessories here and there. Then it happened: first the Hulk, then the Hobo, then, the worst, little Miss Hobby Holly."
     Let's go through the phases in this collection so that you may come to the same realization as I did amidst perusing the pieces in this collection. Maybe it was the Ugg-styled boots that had me sticking out my tongue in surprise/mild horror. Then again, it could have been the "high-fashion" teacher dress that had me squirming in my sleep. Either way, here we go!
     Honestly, I love super hero movies. I'm an action movie kind of girl and love the thrill I get when the super hero swoops down and takes out a bad guy or two. As a matter of fact, I am currently watching the Batman movies for the fourth time as I slightly unsuccessfully multitask with this post. Apparently, Anna Sui found it fitting to recreate this idea, the Hulk in this case, and throw it right onto the runway. Why I ask is it acceptable to pair green and purple together with a supposed "tribal" and "cultural" pattern that Sui has been said to use? Any celebrity that would wear a purple and green poncho or a pair of purple and green tights would end up on the "Worst Dressed" list as fast as the next issue of any publication went to print. "RAHRRR" to you Miss Sui; for now, I would like to wear and launder my purples and greens separately, thank you.
     As for the long green, Christmas-style "teacher dress," no comment can be made to properly justify why this was made, what creature would wear it, and since when is Christmas proudly displayed on the runway? Leanne from season 5 of Project Runway would laugh at this: she, too had to make a teacher dress. "One sexy teacher dress, comin' up."
     Pink, brown, swirls, and furry animals. Let's not put them all together in one outfit. Oh wait, it's been done. Surprise? The days of middle school: as stated in an earlier post, they were filled with outfits consisting of blue and brown. Pink and brown is included in this. DON'T DO IT! I suppose I could force myself to like a certain combination of such colors if they were utilized in the proper way, but for most cases, especially inclusive of this one, such a feat is proving to be impossible.
     Special news report: Miss Hobby Holly seen here strutting down the runway. Wasn't Angela from season 3 of Project Runway kicked off for a reason (she felt it acceptable to sew patchy flowers on the buttocks of a crinkly fabric pair of shorts paired with a shirt I swore I wore at the age of 12)?? Layering "tack on tack" is not okay! If a shirt has an unfortunate appearance, do you take the liberty of sticking buttons and patches on it? Well, Hobby Holly would and apparently so would Anna Sui! Rainbow tweed, pink bows, and checkered everything=YUCK. Did Sui's stream of thought include "let's add some fishnets to chic this up a bit and call it on a day?" Once Hobby Holly has been re-birthed and released, there is not much help to be given. The deep pink Ugg-like boots add insult to injury as each model proceeds to walk down the runway looking like a brightly colored hobo who happens to be largely intrigued by arts and crafts. With all respect to Sui's past designs, I sadly have to retract positive feelings towards this collection (for the most part). I am a store and Anna Sui's Fall 2011 collection is a credit card that has been...declined :).

LOOKS LIKE...the couture clowns have come into town

     Ready to wear? Definitely not. Clown couture? Absolutely. Though I was unsure if it was the  sassy skirtage or organza explosion in Dior's Fall 2011 couture collection that really got me going, I decided to just accept the fact that this collection would be permanently rouched into my noggin (an attempt at a witty fashion joke).
     The fresh, bright colors and absurdly gorgeous silhouettes went on and on, literally! I believe I could successfully wallpaper a full-sized mansion with the amount of fabric used to make these crafty creations! Back to the colors-if you only live to know one fact about me, know that I have a distaste for all things pastel, except for this. In almost every other case, I see pastel colors used in a manner that leaves me feeling just as tacky, dated, and cheap as the clothes I'm unfortunately looking at. In addition to the beautifully "pastelled" grande ball gowns and wildly patterned 50's style poodle skirts without the poodle, another aspect of the collection that has me finding the will power to blog about it is the peacock style, faux-feathered, no-wind-machine-necessary dresses.  Who ever thought a female would look so incredible in an oddly checkered/awkwardly striped and loudly colored smock? Apparently, Dior did.
     Whether it's due to Karlie looking classy and finale-ready in a clown suit or Chanel Iman strutting down the runway looking like she's ready to become a Candy Land playing piece, Dior and its new designers have done well. I, as with most of the other crazy ensembles I blog about, would gladly step out the door (well, maybe just to go to a fancy party) wearing any of these pieces of art. Who doesn't want to look like a chic-a-fied clown/piece of candy? I certainly do, and if you have learned anything at all from me, so should you (this can be a joke if you want it to be).
    

     I'll try something new. Instead of reverting to my usual method of blogging which is inclusive of a multitude of sentences, all ridiculous in length, I'll try this: each look gets one statement. Put the puzzle together and..."et voila (I apologize for the lack of the 'a-based' accent mark )," we have a blog post.
     But first...Step 1: Introduction...(I'm merely outlining the steps to amuse myself and maybe you...ha)
     So today, amidst checking my Facebook messages and reconnecting with a few old friends, I began to remember the tacky middle school days I experienced, void of fashion, filled with braces and a general awkwardness that we all experience around that age. Suddenly, I remembered my old attempts to look cute and pair colors in a way that I believed to be not only acceptable, but quite fashionable as well. Little did I know, blue and brown or pink and brown did not look good, at least not the way I was pairing them. Ever since then, I have had a considerable amount of disdain toward said color combination.
     While leafing through Glamour, I decided to take a look at the Fall 2011 Chloe collection as I began to see clothing of that brand that I considered to be exceptionally...exceptional. There it was: blue and brown...and many other odd colors that I would never want to see printed onto clothing...existing harmoniously on many a beautifully crafted garment of clothing. And...here they are:

As you might imagine, the "articles" are numbered in order. No tricks here...

     Article #1: The blue and the brown-this unexpectedly light and somewhat-spring-like hued palette adds a nice, airy accent to the usually dark and somber fall essence.
     Article #2: The awkwardly yet largely appealingly shaped 70's-ish ensemble- How is this boxy jacket  still managing to look wonderful when paired with equally as boxy pants? Is that even allowed? I thought we were only allowed one box piece per outfit? Whaa? Nonetheless, this quirky, furry ensemble has proven worthy and deliciously luscious.
     Article #3: The orange skirt of steel-This skirt, thought it looks as though it has the ability to deflect bullets, is incredibly rich in color and strong in silhouette. The neutrals paired with it bring out its rich color and label is as fall ready for this season. (Note to self: if I want to go out in this skirt and expect to sit down, that probably isn't happening. How flexible can it be, anyways?)
     Article #4: The fall banana-Wait, is that possible? I don't really know if bananas are particularly in season in the fall, but I do know that introducing this tangy tinge to fall is the best thing since sliced banana...I mean bread. P.S. Bright yellows paired with rich neutrals-I called it. Try it out and credit me, not Chloe (kidding)
     Article #5: The mucho-multi-colored cape-until now, many of the colors seen on this piece of clothing, especially when put all together, made me want to run for the hills (well, maybe not run). How did Chloe make me want to stay a bit longer? Moderation, a good dose of neutral hues, and a green that does not remind me of sickness, of course.
     Article #6: The animal print-looking shirt that isn't really animal print paired with an awkward shade of green jacket-as I've stated already, I don't like certain colors, especially awkward greens, and double especially animal prints in general (yes I know it's more of a brown paisley/flower print). Why am I okay with the combination of them both? Pairing the both of them with a chic grey pant and some yellowy/peachy leather shoes has made this not only acceptable but also preferable to me-wow is right.
     Article #7: The jacket that plainly looks...uncomfortable-this girl looks, to me, as though she is a sort of...constipated marshmallow. Whether or not that is a valid opinion is not up to you, but I will say that I do love the richness of the colors present in this ensemble regardless of the unfortunate shape this model has assumed the position of.
     Article #8: The all-about-silhouette outfit-the absolutely wonderful part about this outfit is that you can barely see any of it. I'm not talking about taking up the role of a wallflower. In fact, I would hope for quite the opposite. If you are looking to slim and elongate your silhouette, slightly flared pants in a dark color worn with tall wedges and a same-color top will do just that.
     Article #9: Make like a fire and sizzle-who thought that velvety orange, 70's inspired pants would ever allow any woman to sizzle? I certainly did not. The saturated mix of neutrals in this ensemble add a rich glow to any woman's complexion. Did I mention it looks considerably comfy?

Summation: get back to those awkward middle school days and mix those unexpected colors and shapes together. Make sure you ask at least two people before you run out the door, though. Peer reviewing is always helpful and may ensure the retention of self esteem for a few days longer. :)
     Article #9: